Saying Goodbye

Two weeks ago, a friend of mine lost her mom because of cancer. And the week after, another friend lost her dad because of a motorcycle accident. No matter how far the wakes were, one in Bulacan and the other in Cavite, I made sure I visited and sent them my condolences. I never like going to wakes because it gives back the memory of the time I lost my mom, but because I experienced losing someone so close to my heart, I know that my presence would somehow give them comfort.

            Both Tito and Tita were in their early 50’s, and for me, they were too young to pass away. Tita, Aica’s mom died quite peacefully because somehow, her family accepted the fact that she had to go, and going would end her suffering. Tito, Yrra’s dad died in a sudden accident, leaving her such a big responsibility. When Yrra broke down infront of us, we didn’t know how to react. As her close friends, we knew she had a family problem, something that I can’t share here as a respect to her and her family. She told us that they were scheduled to have a family dinner in Tagaytay the same night we visited. Yrra plans to get married next year and now that her father is gone, there is no one to send her to the altar. Hearing all these from a close friend, my heart wanted to burst with sadness.     

           

            Before going to Cavite, I remember telling Melvs that I wanted to get married soon, and that I want my dad to send me to the altar. It’s not that I’m thinking of something bad happening to my dad, (gawd, I can’t even think about it), but because all these things have made me realize that death is so sudden, it can even happen to me at any moment.

            I began to ask myself so many questions, “Have I apologized for my mistakes?”, “Have I told everyone I love that I love them?”, “Have I done nice things?”, “Do I have a lot of memories to leave my daughter with?”. Oh my gawd, I suddenly realized that I’m not ready to die, nor will I be ready for someone to leave me.

            If there’s one thing I hate the most, its saying goodbye. I lost my mom when I was fourteen, and until now, the thought of her always brings me tears. I kept asking why she had to go and I have so many ‘if only’ moments everytime I think of her. But I knew that when she was alive, I made her feel that I love her so much. My mom’s death had taught me not to take anyone for granted. It taught me to be apologetic and not to keep grudge inside my heart, to be expressive and appreciative of the simplest things in my life.

            I guess what I’m trying to say is life is so unpredictable. What you have now can be gone tomorrow, so make the most out of it. Tell your parents that you love them and treat them to a nice dinner just because. Say sorry to the people you have caused pain. Don’t keep anger in your heart, learn how to forgive and forget. And most importantly, be happy. You'll never know what you had until its gone.