Happy Birthday, Mommy!

As we grow up, we always think that we're old enough to decide on things in our lives, and that parents are always  paranoid and exaggerated. But now that I'm a mom, it all makes sense to me now. 

Yesterday, Melvs called me up to tell me that Khaila fell from the bed. When I heard the news, my body was shaking with nervousness and I was trying so hard not to cry. I wanted to rush home and hug my baby tight.

Then it hit me. Iba pala talaga ang mommy na. I have never felt so scared in my life. I can never ever live without my daughter.

What happened yesterday with Khaila made me appreciate and respect my mom even more. I feel so proud that I made my mom feel my love for her when she was alive, but I also feel sad because I can no longer do so.

At a very young age, I was able to convince them to make me study in Malaysia, and I remember that my reason was ayokong bigyan ng sakit ng ulo sila mom kaya it's better to be far from them.I studied hard cause I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I even placed my parents' photo on my study table to keep me motivated. I wanted time to go faster so that I could go home to them with my diploma,have a stable job, and provide them with the things they needed. But then, mom died.

 

When my mom died I was devastated. I felt like I lost a reason to pursue my dreams, I lost my inspiration. When she died,part of me died with her.

But then, someone told me that when I lost my mom, I gained an angel. And I hold on to that belief. I know that my mom is watching and guiding me.This may be strange but there was an instance wherein I went home late and I had to pass by an unsafe place and it was raining (dramatic effect harhar),  a lady stood beside me, asked me to take shelter under her umbrella, and when I got into the jeep, as I turned back to thank her, nobody was there. 

I love my mom so much, I just hope she is still alive to witness my graduation ceremony, to award me my medal alongside my dad, to choose the perfect wedding gown for me, and most importantly, to meet  and play with her grand daughter. I just hope she had the chance to see me now as a mom, to teach me how to become a good mom. Oh, how I miss my mother. If only have started blogging before, I could have put into writing all the memories I had with her, I could have taken a lot of photos with her, or record her voice.

Everytime I face a problem, I always seek for my mom's guidance through prayers. Whenever I feel sad, I cry to her, and this gives me comfort. She may not be here physically, but she has always been with me spiritually.

Where ever she may be, I hope that she is happy and that she is proud of what I have become.

I guess the greatest gift I could give my mom is to become a better mother to Mikhaila.
I know that I can do it cause she will always be there for us no matter what.

I love you, mommy! I will always be your baby. I do hope I made you proud.

 

Happy Birthday!